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April 3, 2008

Through Thick and Thin

I love big hair. Always have and always will. As a 90's child, big hair was all the rage, and maybe thats why I have such a fondness for it. Remember hair metal, hair bands? They're really impossible to forget. The bigger, and wilder, the better. So coming home from the dermatologist today, wasn't one of the best of my days.

A couple days ago I had to get blood tests for - hair loss. It's been over a year since I've been loosing hair in frightening amounts. It used to be so thick I could hardly ever find a hair tie that wasn't tight for it, so big and wavy my friend's would always threaten to attack it with a flat iron with their constant complaints of "OW. Your hair is poking me/in my face.". *cringes* Some months ago, my friends noticed my receding hairline and suggested bangs. It wasnt as if they said - hey youve got a huge forehead, but more of - " you would look good with bangs!"I havent worn bangs since third grade, but i think i should now. At first, we thought my hair loss came from school stress, hormonal changes, vitamin deficiency, things like that. The blood tests came out, and I'm perfectly fine. That's what worried me. Hyper thyroidism (it can cause hair loss) runs in my mom's family. My mom's had hyper thyroidism since a young age and we thought at first I had inherited that. There was no medical condition that would cause me to have alarming amounts of hair falling out because the blood tests proved that. The dermatoligist talked to my mom and I about this, and for one brief millisecond, I entertained the idea of me balding. My hair was so thick in the past, my friends would joke around and say - "imagine her bald!" and they just couldnt. I've lost more than half of it since then.. but really, how can i be going through what guys in their 40's are going through when I'm like a kid? I found the idea impossible.

The doctor says ,"you're just experiencing hair loss at an early age." I ask stupidly, "huh?" She repeats it, and I think it's a horrible joke. Wasnt April Fool's yesterday? I mustve asked the poor doctor at least eleven times, "ARE YOU SURE??"
She's explaining it, and all that's going through my head is WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF???!! This happens to middle aged guys, and not teenage girls. There is just no fucking way.. The next question reminds me of something I asked a doctor when I eight and had pneumonia - "Will I have it for the the rest of my life?" Doctor gives me sympathetic look. My mind is reeling off a high jagged cliff when - "Don't worry, there's Rogaine!" *sarcastic* Great. That made me feel shit loads better. When people think of Rogaine, they usually think of a product guys use in their late 40's to 50's. I'm balding. I'm 15. I'm fucking balding. I'm 15. Whoop-dee-damn-doo.

Somehow the thought of me walking up to the cashier with a bottle of Rogaine in my hand isn't very uplifting. Rogaine is $50?!! WTF?! I was saving that for our first digital camera and some concert tickets. I am sooo not buying Rogaine anytime soon.

Is it wrong to say - that I would rather have anemia or hyper thyroidism when I'm in such good health? They don't last forever, and it can be controlled with medicine. There is no cure for losing hair when it is not linked with any medical condition or disease. So to tell the truth, I was hoping it would be anemia or hyper thyroidism, I was expecting it, in fact. and I wouldve been much less horrified.All teenagers go through puberty, most of us go through acne. I did not sign up for hair loss. This IS NOT part of adolescence!! This is supposed to happen when im like 52!

*hurls self onto ground and pummels it with fists* WHHHYYYY???!! WHY? WHY!? WHY???!!!! WHY THE FUCK WHY??!!!!" I'M TOO YOUNG!! WWHHHYYYY!!??"

*hysterical moment over*

Ironically, Vogue came in the mail the day before I went to to the doctor. There was an article called "Through Thick and Thin" and went into detail about women's hair loss. These women started losing their hair in their early 30's, late 20's. How nice, it only made me feel worse that I'm a teenager. I recently found someone who's brother started male pattern hair loss when he was 15. He was bald by the time he was 25. 5 hair transplants later, he's got the fullest head of hair. The full cost was about the expense of a German sports car. AWESOME, I'll just fly to wherever they do those operations in my private Boeing 747-8. I don't want hair transplants, wigs, or hair extensions. Not only are they just not possible, I want my own and only my own. Female pattern hair loss is actually quite different from the male counterpart. If things get bad enough, I'll shave my head and decorate it with moons and stars and beautiful art. Let's just hope that won't ever happen. but still..

I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE PORL.

He's crazy good at teh guitar, handles his baldness very well, and looks great. But have you seen him in the Just like Heaven music video or live performances in '92? - he had awesome hair. But that was like 15 years ago, and anyways, he's 50 so it's completley normal.

the Axl Rose bandanna looks like a good idea. Or Slash's top hat. I don't think school authority would agree. hair metal, metal hair.. *sniff*

Or a headband like Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy VII. I love his hair. Doesnt the red headband remind you of Jack Sparrow? Lol.

Can someone tell me why models have huge foreheads? their hair must go through HEAVY styling often, their hairline is like waay back with those SUPERTIGHT buns and ponytails and yet in the advertisments they have thick luscisous hair. Must be extensions. MUST BE. or maybe theyre taking french vitamins? I must find out their secret! Sure Tyra Banks has a large

forehead, but her hair is always lovely. My forehead is the size of a Cadillac and Pontiac in a collision.

This means no more teasing. Going from uber thick hair to thin... In elementrary, people use to tease my hair for being thick and they said that a squirrel lived in it. and it was FRIZZY too. that was my nickname. or bush, or sasquatch. So no more teasing, literally. This IS SO NOT FAIR. I dont ever do anything damaging to my hair. I have no blowdryers, or straight irons. my hair is not dry/damaged/overprocessed I occassionally use hairspray or anti frizz serum. I take my vitamins!! It's completely healthy except for the fact its falling out. How i envy those girls who overprocess their hair - how lucky they are to have a headful of it, then they damage it! I've wanted to dye my hair a blue so deep it's black, for years. I was going to this summer, but not anymore - hair dye isnt friendly for those thinning.

Simon Gallup

Siouxsie Sioux

Janis Joplin

Oh beautiful troves of locks!

Davey Havok and I had similiar hair. But i've had to continually cut my hair shorter and shorter because hair fall is worse for long hair.

I was hoping I'd be like Patti Smith in my 60's.

Hiar loss is like a taboo subject. Middle aged guys are embarrased to talk to talk about it, how much a fifteen year old girl? Women freely share their botox, face lift, plastic surgery stories, but so few mention hair loss. In a society obsessed with body image, how do they recieve a thinning crown, especially with females?

Women I look up to, who've bared a shorn head - Joan Jett, Meshell Ndegeocello, Melissa Etheridge, Natalie Portman - the list can go on.

- Mechell Ndegeocello.

And it's not like female pattern hair loss leads to total baldness.

I'm not going to worry too much about this. Hair loss is trivial compared to everything else. I'm a kid and this should be the last of my worries. I dont want to come off as vain (because i just wrote this damn novel on hair!) Of couse I'm mortified, I'm going through female pattern hair loss in my early teens. I'm angry and sad. But there are more important matters. I am healthy and that's what's important. Those diagnosed with life threatening ilnesses such as cancer, especially children - that's what's heartbreaking. By the way, if anyone is going to cut their hair, donate it to Locks of Love (.org).

"I am not my hair" - by Indie Arie (that song means more to me than ever). Hair does not make a person. Or any physical trait for that matter. It is yourself, your soul, that defines the way people view you. Besides, it's the brain, and not the number of hairs on your head that counts. =) People will go through thick and thin with you, literally.